Chattin' with my son (12) over a pizza

Dad: so when you were born I left you in the care of mama and nana and didi because they would look after you better than I could.
Son: you didn't want to wipe up the shit.
Dad: don't say shit.
Son: OK, dad.

***

 Son: so you know kids have been warned not to talk to strangers online. Some paedophiles are pretending to be chicken nuggets to groom their next victim. I'm sorry, but it's natural selection, isn't it? How stupid do you have to be to believe that the online voice urging you to meet them in the park is really a chicken nugget?
Dad: (5 minutes of helpless laughter) even so, just because they're dim, doesn't mean they deserve to be a paedophile's victim, does it?
Son: didn't say it did, but c'mon dad, fuckin' chicken nuggets?
Dad: don't say fuckin'.
Son: OK, dad.

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