The World's worst barman

Another oldie, from a few summers ago. I understand he no longer works there...


Library bar, Thorpeness, Suffolk

'You open?' we cheerily cried
at the empty room.
'Suppose so,' came the scowled reply
Two pints followed soon.

'The front door’s locked, so we didn’t
know if you were open.'
'That's not the front, front’s round the back
can’t serve you if you don’t know that!'

'Fucking place is a dump,' he said
'the committee? They're all lemmings
I wanted bands, music all night
but this inbred bunch is much too tight
to spend a fucking penny.'

'So,' said I, 'could you tell me why
the Artisan's Cup stopped in '81?'
Said he, 'I couldn’t give a fuck
and you two boys are out of luck
cos I’ve cashed up. It's half past eight
so fuck off now or I’ll be late!”

© Simon M Hunter 2010

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